Let’s just say this morning was chock full of bad mommy moments before 9am.

Thanks to a finally fever free Pumpkin, a morning break with Peanut off to preschool and a workout on a beautifully warm fall morning, the afternoon did not follow the same path. A deep breath and a conscious decision to not repeat the same morning mistakes made for a calmer, more patient mommy.

Sometimes recognizing the pattern doesn’t always lead to breaking it. I am thankful that today it did.

Here’s to hopefully getting on the right road the first time tomorrow.

My great-grandmother made an applesauce cake she would send to my Uncle B. (a different uncle than has recently appeared in this space) while he was in the service. As legend would have it, the guys in his unit would fight over pieces of the cake, devouring it within moments of the care package having been open.

Today, I am thankful for this super simple, dairy-free cake and the fact that Pumpkin’s fever appears to have broken this afternoon long enough for him to enjoy it. Two days late, we finally had a good old cake-smashing time for his first birthday.

I’m not sure of the truth of the tales that my uncle’s buddies watched his mail call just to see if a cake had arrived for him, but I can attest to the fact that my little guy thought it was pretty much the best thing he’s ever eaten.

Although, in all honesty, he’s been subsisting on a diet of plain noodles, bananas and Cheerios for the last 5 days.

Either way, I know I’m looking forward to a piece.

Pumpkin has been sick all week. The lovely “D” word. Ick. However, he’d been acting normally, despite the current state of his intestinal track. I made the obligatory call to the nurse’s line, got my instructions and happily went about my week planning our next trip up to NC. We were planning on going up this weekend for my uncle’s memorial service, which meant we canceled Pumpkin’s 1st birthday party we had originally planned for at home this weekend and decided to do a smaller, immediate family lunch in NC.

Until last night. A half hour before leaving to pick the hubby up at the airport, I noticed Pumpkin had a fever. Ugh. Fever, of course, being one of the symptoms the nurse said we should watch for, advising we bring him in if one developed.

Thankfully, our pediatrician has walk-in hours on Saturday mornings. I packed us up last night for our road trip, hoping we could simply depart a little later than planned and then brought Pumpkin to the doctor first thing this morning. Although it’s nothing serious and probably just a virus, the doctor “could not in good conscience” advise us to go on this road trip.

After the week I had, I made it to the elevator after checking out before I started to feel the tears coming on. Losing my uncle, the trip up to NC and back last weekend, a sick baby, the hubby out of town all week, a 4 year old’s rebellion on day 4 of hubby being out of town, unpacking from one trip just to repack for another, canceling one party just to plan for another 7 hours away, locking Pumpkin and my keys in the car yesterday…let’s just say a kink in the plans was not exactly what my psyche could handle this morning.

Thankfully, there is my mom. When I called and told her Pumpkin wasn’t any better, what the doctor said and that I had looked up flights to fly up to the memorial alone, she in no uncertain terms told me I needed to stay home. She said everything I knew was true and everything I needed to hear and listened to me cry and hem and haw and try to reason my way into going, but, in the end, won. We are staying home.

It’s not that I don’t think the hubby could take care of Pumpkin while I was gone, I know he would. It’s the thought of Pumpkin reaching out for me and me not being there. It’s the reality that every minute I was gone, I’d be thinking about Peanut – and would that be fair to anyone else?

My family means a lot to me. It’s a big, rambunctious group who live and love loudly. Not being there to support a branch that’s been damaged is tearing me up inside. My thoughts, prayers and heart will be with them all on Monday. But, I know I have to do what’s best for my little ones.

If I’ve learned anything since becoming a parent it’s that kids have impeccable timing.

Today, little Pumpkin, you are one. You are on the brink of toddlerhood and I have no idea how it happened. Everyone told me to cherish your babyness since the second time around goes so much faster. And I tried, really I did. But somehow, here you are, all bright smiles and toothy grins and I can barely remember that newborn squishyness.

Luckily, for me, you aren’t walking yet, so I can hold onto your babyhood for awhile longer. You’ve started to ask to be picked up in your own little hold onto mommy’s knees attempting to climb up her leg until she picks you up kind of way. You babble constantly and we’re all trying to latch on to any words or consistent sounds for things. You idolize your big brother. Dinner has gotten out of control with the two of you egging each other on. You spent the other night imitating every action Peanut did, much to the delight of both of you.

I can barely remember our family life without you, proving that you were the missing link to our little family. Not that it wasn’t perfect before, but you’ve brought our little clan to a whole new level of perfection. Oh sure, adding a second one to the family has brought its own kind of stress with it, managing schedules and various needs. But the new laughter? The wonder when you discover new skills like clapping or waving? The squeals when you’re crawling all over your big brother in his bed during bed time stories? Let’s just say I wouldn’t change it.

We’ve been through a lot, you and I. There was my hospitalization when I was separated from you on your 12th day for the longest 24 hours of my life. There was your trip to the children’s hospital when I had to forcefully hold down your arm to keep the IV in. There was the time I locked you in the car with the keys and had to play peek-a-boo with you until help arrived (oh wait, that was today – happy birthday).

You’re brother made me a mother. You’ve made me a better mother. And for that, I will be eternally grateful.

Here’s to another year of belly laughs, discovery and a few bumps along the way to keep it interesting.

Love,
Your Mama

The hubby is currently out of town on a trip that keeps getting longer and longer each day NASA doesn’t send Discovery into space. I’ve written about the hubby’s love of space before and his attempts to see a shuttle launch as a bystander. Since then, however, he’s leveraged his space knowledge into an asset for his employer and is in Florida to cover his second space launch. I’m so proud of all that he’s done and is doing.

That being said, I’m really ready for him to be home. Especially at about 4pm when the witching hours begin and I realize that I don’t have a reprieve at 6pm like I usually do. Factor in a sick Pumpkin this week and planning Pumpkin’s second first birthday party (it’s complicated) and I’m simply exhausted. Having the hubby gone shows me just how much he does do around here.

It’s really easy for me to feel like I’m doing all the heavy lifting since I’m the one home all day with the boys. I manage the school stuff, handle the meals, do the grocery shopping, laundry, etc… But I’m truly lucky in that I have a hubby who handles breakfast every morning for the boys. He takes care of bath and bedtime, too, while I clean up dinner and pop in for a last nursing session and good night kisses. He’s always there for me when I need him and it’s been pretty lonely without him around to just be a presence in my day.

Plus, let’s face it, I really enjoy being able to sleep until 7:30 while he gets up with the kiddos. 6:05 just isn’t all that fun for me.

So, sweetie, in case I don’t tell you enough, thank you. Thank you for taking risks at work and showing our boys what hard work can accomplish. Thank you for all the you do here to keep me sane. Thank you for being a wonderful father. Thank you for all the little things you do to try to make my day easier.

Try to remember that when I complain about the “to file pile” when you get home. 🙂

Today I am thankful for honey vanilla chamomile tea and shortbread cookies. The promise of those two items have honestly been the only things to get me through the last three hours of solo parenting during bedtime, dinner clean up and writing.

I really wanted to pack it in and fire up the DVR tonight after getting the kids in bed. It’s been a long day. The hubby’s out of town on a business trip. I have 800 different things to get done before another trip out of town this weekend with the family. Pumpkin’s been sick and was up at 4:30 this morning.

Instead of giving into DVR temptation, however, I promised myself the orange frosted shortbread cookie (sorry honey, you leave it here, I eat it) and a cup of tea at the end of my day’s writing. And that’s really all I have the energy to say about that.

Excuse me, I have a cookie to eat before I pass out in bed.

FYI:
NaNoWriMo update: 1,996 words tonight, 4,904 total. I’m just 97 words shy of where I should be on day 3.

Today, I am thankful for a last minute field trip to the Georgia Aquarium.

School was canceled today for Peanut because the church is a polling place. We just came back from out of town yesterday, meaning a tough re-entry day as it is, not to mention a tough day fooling with the school routine. Oh, and did I mention that the hubby left dark and early this morning for a several days long business trip?

Months ago, I had purchased a discounted ticket from the aquarium during Mommy & Me promotion. And so we put it to use. Peanut LOVED it. We found lots of cool things to explore and learn about. Pumpkin was happy to just stare at the fish from his stroller. We had a nice, if overpriced, lunch. We played, we goofed off, we giggled.

As we were driving home, talking about all the interesting things we’d seen, Peanut piped up from the back seat and said “I had an awesome time at the aquarium, mommy.”

Despite the unpacking, the mail piles to sort, the exhaustion I feel from a busy weekend of travel, I am thankful for blowing it all off for an impromptu day of fun. The great thing is that Peanut appreciated it, too.

Now, what to do to get us through the afternoon until bedtime? I see drawing pictures of fishies in our future!

Hi, my name is High Heeled Mama and I am a glutton for punishment.

Today, I went for a run.

I have a lot going on today: play date this afternoon, dinner with a friend who is in town for a conference, followed by book club at 8pm.