I am no athlete, so any coaching support for our children’s athletic endeavors was left to my husband who is an equal opportunity sports fanatic.
So the opportunity to coach my kids has so far passed me by.
Until this year.
The year of the college application essay.
The oldest insisted he was fine. He didn’t need help.
I was ITCHING to get involved. It’s the one thing I know how to do. Let. Me. Help!!!
But, this is his process and so I made the offer and stepped back to let him work.
At some point a few weeks ago, I could tell he was struggling in that way that the cranky teenager thing wasn’t appeased by the usual hamburger and a good night’s sleep. The poor child was stressing.
Which had me stressing…#momlife
I reminded him that as a book coach, I don’t write the books for the writers I work with, I simply help them find the clarity and tools to write the story they want to write. I could maybe help him do the same.
He finally agreed.
And so we headed to a coffee shop for the afternoon. I caffeinated him, grabbed him a banana loaf, and started asking him questions. The same kind of questions I ask my writers.
Why this topic?
What’s the emotional layer under the plot?
Why does this matter?
What’s your point?
We brainstormed (something I don’t think they teach enough in high school) and word mapped and ping ponged ideas until finally he came up with a hook that was way more engaging than the rote essay he’d started. The essay that wasn’t at all bad but didn’t shine the way he does when he’s talking about the topic.
And this is the time you want to shine.
Since then, we’ve had a few sessions where I’ve been able to help him finesse a few other essays (why so many different topics, colleges? I thought the Common App was supposed to make this easier?)
Coaching your kids is no easy task. It would be super easy for me to just tell him what I think he needs to say or explain what I think is wrong.
But it’s not about me.
It’s about him.
And so I dig deeper, instead.
I ask questions. I teach why these filter words are unnecessary or how to make the essay more active, and point out the excellent ways he is already showing in the essay so he doesn’t need that tell sentence to introduce it.
He still has a ways to go in the next few weeks as he finalizes his applications, but being able to help him through this process in a productive way has been amazing.
And he’s learning that accepting help actually gives him more ownership of the process.
I may not be able to teach my boys how to shoot a free throw, but I can teach them how to find their stories and support them when they share those ideas in their unique voice.
Or at least I can try.
It’s an opportunity I don’t take lightly.
And one, as with many things during my son’s senior year, that I treasure.